Our Broken Lives
by SayaEvange
Summary: I was always fearless. Nothing could ever phase me and the Hunger Games was no different. So what if I had been reaped at 15? I was the daughter of two Victors. Winning was in my genes. Wasn't that what my trainers always said? Maybe they should have also told me that winning is the easy part. *Rating is T for now. May go up later* *Alternate Reality*


I get out of bed, careful not to wake Carrew, and move to the small table across the room. I pull out a pad of paper and a pen. I click the side of the pen and it emits a soft light, perfect for writing. I hear Carrew stir, but he remains sleeping. I want to be in his arms, but I have something more important to do. In less than forty-eight hours I would be back in the arena, fighting for my life once more. Last time I didn't believe I could be killed, but now I know the odds are truly against me. This is why I must write. I owe too many people explanations. If I die, at least they will understand. Everyone will know what I couldn't bear to tell them in life. And perhaps it will help bring an end to this horrible way of life that Panem has been forced to endure.

**The Beginning:**

The sun glared through the large bay window in front of my bed. I squeezed my eyes shut and pulled my previously tossed aside blanket over my head. I had once again forgotten to pull the drapes before going to bed. Just as I was dozing off Dad pounded on my door.

"It's time to get up, sunshine," he called as he opened the door and stepped in.

"Ten more minutes." I curled up into a ball under the blanket and willed myself to fall back to sleep. I felt my bed sink to one side when Dad sat down. He pulled the blanket back and brushed his fingers through my light brown hair.

"No ten more minutes. You know what today is, sweetie. We need to leave soon." His voice was as sweet as the sugar cubes he snacks on. Of course, Reaping Day. I slowly sat up and wrapped my arms around him. He squeezed me tight. This day had never worried me, but it took a huge toll on my parents. They were thankful that my oldest brother, Lyr, had made it through without being reaped, but I had four Reapings left to go and my little brother, Ruarc, had six.

I pulled away, too soon for Dad's liking. "I'll meet you guys down stairs in just a few, okay?"

He attempted a smile. "Alright." He made his way out of my room. Once the door was closed I pulled off my pajamas and went to my walk-in closet. My parents had ordered me a new dress for today. They did it every year. We would each get a new outfit to wear at the Reaping and after it was over the clothes were burned. This year's dress was light purple and ended just below my knees. Like always, it was cotton and perfect for a long day in the warm sun.

I pulled my hair back into a high pony tail and grabbed my sandals before heading out my door. My room was right by the top of the staircase, but instead of walking down I backed up to the end of the hallway. With my shoes firmly in my hands I broke into a sprint and jumped as soon as my feet met the edge of the landing. I landed with a loud thud at the bottom of the stairs, but on my feet.

"Excellent jump!" Lyr said, clapping. He was standing at the entrance to the kitchen. He was grinning, but it didn't meet his eyes. He was safe from the Reaping, but he was worried about me and Ruarc. Before I could respond Mom, Dad, and Ruarc walked out of the kitchen.

"Ready to go?" Dad asked. Ruarc was in a new pair of slacks and a dark green button up shirt. He typically appeared much older than his age, but at that moment he had every look of a scared thirteen year old boy.

I shrugged. "Might as well get this over with. No point in dragging out the festivities." Mom winced like I had hit her and started batting at her ears. Dad slipped his arm around her, pulling her close. It was no use. Mom was only partially stable on her good days, but starting Reaping Day and through the Hunger Games she was as unstable as a one-legged stool. It took most of Dad's energy to just to keep her from losing it.

"Raye's right," Lyr started, stepping towards the door. I immediately followed. "No good will come from being late."

* * *

I stood in my row in the middle of the girl's block. My best friends, Alina and Katie, were on both sides of me. I was nearly hidden standing between them. Many of the twelve year olds were taller than me and Katie was one of the tallest girls in the District.

They had just concluded all of the speeches. I could see Mom and Dad sitting on stage, his arm still around her. She had her hands over her ears, trying to block everything out. Thenia, the horribly boring district escort, was just approaching the microphone. Time for the fun stuff.

"Now it is time to find out which lucky boy and girl will be able to call themselves tribute for the 100th Hunger Games!" To say her voice was monotone would be too generous. She dragged her feet to the boy's ball and plucked out a piece of paper. She went back to the microphone in the center of the stage. "Malakai Salvage!"

I covered my mouth as I yawned. No need to look, I knew who Malakai was. He was a large eighteen year old with a bad temper and a knack for saying the wrong thing to me. Eight years ago he had the audacity to call my mother crazy to my face. I came home from school with a black eye, but he didn't go home. I left him knocked out on the school playground.

Malakai made his way to the stage, smiling and clearly excited. He would find joy in being sent to the slaughter. He was one of those that actually took training seriously and I knew well enough that had his name not been drawn, he would have volunteered.

Thenia didn't even greet him, just walked over to the girl's glass bowl. She dug around this time, not in any hurry to pick one out. Some of the girls were starting to shake and tear up in anticipation. Katie was holding herself and Ali rocked on her heels. I just yawned. Thenia needed to hurry things up. I had a whole ocean waiting for me to jump in it.

She slid back to the center where Malakai was still smiling. "And the female tribute is..." She fumbled with the paper as she attempted to unfold it and it fell to the ground. She bent down and picked it up, dusting herself off like she had actually gotten dirty from bending over. Then it was open. "Rayannon Odair!"

I stopped mid yawn. That was my name. I guess the ocean would have to wait. I glanced at Katie and Ali, both of whom stared at me in shock. They tried to hug me, but I shrugged them off on my way to the stage. I didn't want their tears. I could feel the stares, hear the loud whispers, but I ignored them. My eyes were locked on my parents. Mom was batting her ears again and moving her lips. Dad whispered to her, failing to calm her down. Mom's eyes found mine as I climbed the steps. I didn't know what to do so I just gave her a little smile. My attempt to tell her that it was all going to be okay. Big mistake.

Thenia was just asking for volunteers, for which none came forward, when a high pitched scream cut through the square. I looked over my shoulder to see Mom thrashing around in her chair. Dad grabbed onto her, doing his best to keep her from hurting herself. The peacekeepers started moving towards them, ready to shut Mom up any way they could. Dad franticaly searched his pockets. Just before the peacekeepers appeared in front of them Dad pulled out a needle. He jabbed it into Mom's upper arm, instantly calming her. The peacekeepers backed off. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Malakai, a large grin on his face, staring at me. I wanted to punch him and wipe that smirk off his disgusting shark face, but I couldn't. I turned my attention back to the crowd before being marched off the stage.

* * *

I waited impatiently for my first visitors to arrive. The view from the Justice Building was horrendous. I couldn't even see the ocean, just some old buildings in dire need of repair. It was doing nothing to calm my nerves. I sat on a soft couch and stared at the many books around me. They all appeared to have something to do with Panem and the Games. I rolled my eyes at one title: _The Heroes of Panem: From the 1st to the 50th_.

The door opened. "Five minutes!" the peacekeeper barked. In walked Katie and Ali. They ran to me, flinging themselves on top of me.

"Get off of me." I struggled to get out from under them. I never liked them to see me weak. They were my best friends, but I was always the strong one. They came to me with their problems, not the other way around. If I broke down in front of them it would only hurt my friends even more.

"Sorry," Ali said, standing up. Katie followed, pulling me up with her.

"You have to come back okay?" Katie begged, crying. Even Ali had tears in her eyes. All I did was nod.

"We're serious, Raye. We don't care who you get out with, just that you get out," Ali added. She was trying to hold back the tears.

"I will. Don't worry, guys." I smiled, trying to comfort them. "No way they can keep from coming back."

Katie sniffled. "How can you be so calm? I'd be a mess if I were in your place."

I shrugged and sat back down. They had no idea how many flips my stomach was making. No idea that I wanted nothing more than to run to the waves. "What's the point of getting worked up? It won't change anything." It was the truth. Nothing could get me out of this.

Ali hugged my shoulders. "That's my girl." I smiled up at her.

The guard appeared again. "Time's up. Get out."

They both hugged me one last time as the guard yelled at them to hurry up. Then they were gone. I picked at the little clumps of fuzz on the couch. I took deep breaths trying to keep more nerves from acting up more. Only a couple of minutes passed before the door opened again. I looked up to see Grandpa shutting the door on the guard.

I smiled. "Hey Grandpa." I walked over to him and he hugged me tight.

"I never thought I would be here again," he started, choking on the tears. "I prayed that after I said goodbye to your dad that I would never have a reason to come back."

I patted his back. "It's okay. I'll be back raiding your shrimp before you know it." I grinned and swallowed down the forming lump in my throat as he pulled away and looked down at me. His wrinkled face tried to smile, but it just looked sad.

"If only we could all be as fearless as you." He rubbed my cheek with his thumb. "Just like your dad when he was young."

"Exactly. Dad made it out okay and so will I." That was my new mantra. Dad made it out at fourteen, so I could do it at fifteen.

His pale green eyes bore into mine. "Just remember to not let your guard down and find at least one person you can trust. I don't care where that person is from, but you find them. Understood?" He was gripping onto my arms. To hold me or him in place; I didn't know which.

"Yes, Grandpa."

The door opened and the guard was walking in the room. Grandpa hugged me tight once more before the angry guard dragged him out. They were nearly at the door when Grandpa dug his feet into the floor and grabbed the door way with his arm.

"And please my little seashell, don't join the Careers."

The guard got him out the door before I could respond. Not join the Careers? I couldn't remember a time when a tribute from Four hadn't teamed up with One and Two. I wasn't sure it had ever even happened.

The door was thrown open and in walked my brothers. Ruarc was crying, but Lyr looked stoic. I smiled.

"Cheer up guys. It's not like I'm dead."

Lyr glared at me as Ruarc bit his lip. I crossed my arms and slumped into a chair. Lyr knelt in front of me. It always amazed me how tall he was. Even on his knees he was taller than me in the chair.

"Aren't you even a little scared?" Lyr asked. His dark green eyes pleasded with me to say yes. It would be the normal thing to say. But I wasn't scared about going just like I had never been afraid of the Reaping. I was afraid of not coming home. It frightened me to think I may never see my family and friends again. I was afraid about what would happen to my family if they lost me. Would it send Mom over the edge, destroying Dad with her? No, that couldn't happen.

"Of course not. What happens will happen so what's the point of getting worked up?"

Lyr rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Just come back."

"I've never lost at anything." I wasn't above playing dirty to win either.

"And don't start now," Ruarc said, wiping his eyes with his sleeve. I pulled him to me and kissed the top of his head.

"No worries, Ru. Look who our parents are. I can't lose." I smiled at him. Snot was dripping down his nose. Lyr handed him a tissue from the table.

"Times up!" The guard yelled. I hugged Ruarc quickly as his crying started up again. When I let go of him Lyr grabbed me.

"Don't trust anyone. Be prepared to kill them all. Even an ally."

I nodded. "I know."

He pulled back and ruffled my hair. "I love you, kiddo."

"I love you guys too." My heart twinged. I had never gone more than a few hours without my brothers. How could I get through this without them?

"Out! Now!"

Then they were gone.

* * *

I sat at the table as the train sped through the district. Malakai sat several chairs away and Dad was across from me. Mom and Dad were scheduled to be mentors this year, but when I boarded the train I found out that Mom wasn't coming. Her replacement was the latest Victor, Marlen Maxt. He won the 97th Games. He also happened to be a good friend of Lyr's and was as close to a third brother as he could be.

I picked at the food on my plate while Marlen talked about something to Thenia. I had been very hungry when I boarded, but my appetite disappeared when Mom wasn't there to meet me. She hadn't even told me goodbye. I understood it was for the best that she didn't come, but couldn't she have at least seen me off?

"Raye, are you listening?" Marlen asked. I looked up to see everyone looking at me.

"What?"

Marlen sighed. "I was just asking if you wanted to be mentored with Malakai or not. He's okay with it either way."

"Oh, umm..." I looked at Dad.

"It's your decision, honey," he said, his voice soft. He looked so much like Grandpa. What was it Grandpa told me?

"No, I don't want to be mentored together."

"Okay. From here on out I'll be Malakai's mentor and you can have your dad."

Dad patted my arm, a small smile on his face. "We'll start the mentoring once we get to the Capitol. For now, just relax and enjoy the ride."

I excused myself from the table and went to my room. I flopped onto my bed and stared at the ceiling, playing with the ends of my hair. I was hit with a sudden need to cry. What if it wasn't in the cards for me to win? Mom hadn't told me goodbye. My last memory of her would be of her freaking out after my name was read and her going limp in Dad's arms after he gave her the sedative. My chest ached with a pain I had never experienced.

There was a soft knock at the door. I wiped my eyes and sat up.

"Come in."

Dad walked through the doorway. "How are you doing?" He sat on the edge of the bed.

I shrugged. "Fine."

He nodded. "It's about time to watch the recap of the Reapings. Do you want to go watch with the others?"

I shook my head. "I'll just watch here." I reached for the remote. The screen was fuzzy when I turned it on.

"Mind if I watch with you?"

"I'd prefer it." I leaned against him and wrapped an arm around me. At least I still had Dad for a few more days.

The screen cut to an old, wrinkly, yet still blue, Caesar Flickerman and his cohost Appius Westra, the President's son. They appeared to be sitting in front of the President's mansion.

"Hello people of Panem," Appius began, "It's almost time for another fantastic Hunger Games. Isn't that right, Caesar?"

"Absolutely!" Caesar nodded his head enthusiastically and grinned like a child who had just gotten away with eating a cookie before supper. "Today's Reapings have given us a great group of tributes, a couple of whom you ought to recognize. It's the perfect start to the Fourth Quarter Quell."

"Before we get to the Reapings, we want to remind everyone of the special rules this year," Appius said as he grabbed a piece of paper on the desk. "In honor of one hundred years of peace, the citizens of Panem will receive a treat. Instead of only one tribute surviving there will be the possibility for two to go home as victors. They need not be from the same district. The only requirement is that they are the final two. Then it will be left up to the Capitol citizens to vote on whether or not both are crowned."

"Isn't that wonderful folks?" Caesar asked. "Now, we'll take you to the Reaping Day festivities."

The screen switched to District One where two eighteen year old volunteered. It was the same outcome in Two. Three sees the names of two young kids called. No one volunteered. I noticed that Dad closed his eyes during the recap of Four. They had cut out Mom's screams. I guess unstable Victors made for bad television.

There was nothing surprising about the next districts. Most appeared to be sixteen or older which was good, little kids just got slaughtered. The Reapings went by quickly until Twelve. Thus far I had paid little attention to those chosen. I felt no need to learn the names when most would be dead in a week.

Twelve's escort was young, but she had so much work done on her face she looked worse than Haymitch Abernathy. The girl tribute was older with a large belly and the escort went to great lengths to not go within a couple feet of the girl. She grabbed the slip of paper for the boy. I noticed her lips formed into an almost evil smirk when she opened it up.

"Carrew Mellark!"

Dad and I both gasped at the same time. The camera focused on Twelve's three Victors. Haymitch Abernathy's head moved side to side, though being a drunk I couldn't tell if it was for Mellark's name being called or not. Katniss sat beside him, her stony face trained on the crowd as if she was waiting for a volunteer. None came of course. People don't volunteer for the kids of Victors. Peeta, who could pass for Carrew's older brother, buried his face in his hands. It was obvious he was crying. Then the screen went dark.

"Wow," Dad said. I looked up at him. His face was pale and it almost looked like he would be sick. All I could think was how at least I wasn't the only kid of Victors this year.

"Dad?" I asked when we had been silent for too long.

"Yeah?" His voice was distant. What was he thinking about?

"I don't want to be part of the Career pack."

Dad gazed down at me, right eyebrow cocked. "What makes you say that?"

I looked at the floor. "I just don't think it's the right choice for me. I don't want to be allies with people who will be so ready to kill me."

He nodded slowly. "I was thinking the same thing."

I looked up. "Really?"

He put his arm around my shoulders. "You're my baby girl. I can't protect you once you're in there so I want you to either be by yourself or with someone I can trust to help you. Careers will only see you as weak because of your age and size. They'll gang up on you. Not to mention Malakai will likely go after you the first chance he got.

"I figured you would want me to be with the Careers." I hadn't even thought of those reasons, but Dad made sense. They would eat me alive. I'd be nothing more than unwanted baggage once a day or two had passed.

He shook his head. "I always knew that I never wanted you or your brothers to join them if you were reaped. So I want you to pick out a person or two to ally with as soon as you can. Maybe make a li—."

"Carrew Mellark," I blurted out.

Dad gave me a curious look. "What?"

"I want him as my ally."

"Why?"

I shrugged. "Who else would understand my situation? Few can say both of their parents are Victors and more is expected of us. Plus I think our alliance could help sway the voters into letting us both live."

He was silent for several minutes. It made sense to me. Dad knew his parents well and knew that the Mellarks were a trustworthy bunch. Even better, I had actually met Carrew once before. Granted it was only for a few days a decade ago, but I still remembered him well. Hopefully, he remembered me.

"If that's what you want then you need to talk to him. I'll talk to his parents."


End file.
